ABOUT
I'm M*Sak: Friendly Neighborhood Pseudo-Drop-Out. My hometown is Blo/No, IL, and here I plan to stay until I can figure out a way to get the big, big money.
ARCHIVES
BUDS
Megan - graduate / lit-nerd
Kiri - superfluous angst / subtle diatribe
Tim - politics / life experience (!)
Renata - published author / high school musical(?!)
Kellie - playwright / ye olde wisdom
Talia - japonica / clone material
PROCRASTURBATE
"I don't know what you did or didn't do, but if you did them both..."
Perez
Go Fug Yourself
Create A South Park Character
Dinosaur Comics
Dr. McNinja
MY SPACEPLACEFACE BOOK
Myspace Page
GREEN COUNTY
This is a film I'm working on with my bud, Dan. If you're interested in being involved, please e-mail me.
NEWS:
Green County Official Facebook Group is online and awaiting the membership of actors, techies, and groupies!
COOL APPS
Get Firefox! (Please?) - hassle-free and app-friendly
Google Earth - high-res images of cities all over the world; monitor everything from world conflicts to seismic activity in real time!
Sage - an amazingly easy-to-use and reliable feed-reader for Firefox
Clipmarks - highlight, save, and document quotes from websites instantly
Facebook toolbar - Firefox toolbar for Facebook, for the addicts among us!
CONTACT
e.mail: just4playplay@gmail.com
phone: (XXX) 825-0352
FEED
XML H'OMGZ
STATS
CREDITS
This website and its written content are © M*Sak 2006-2007.
I'm M*Sak: Friendly Neighborhood Pseudo-Drop-Out. My hometown is Blo/No, IL, and here I plan to stay until I can figure out a way to get the big, big money.
ARCHIVES
- 07/2006
- 08/2006
- 09/2006
- 10/2006
- 11/2006
- 12/2006
- 01/2007
- 02/2007
- 03/2007
- 04/2007
- 05/2007
- 06/2007
- 07/2007
- 08/2007
- 09/2007
BUDS
Megan - graduate / lit-nerd
Kiri - superfluous angst / subtle diatribe
Tim - politics / life experience (!)
Renata - published author / high school musical(?!)
Kellie - playwright / ye olde wisdom
Talia - japonica / clone material
PROCRASTURBATE
"I don't know what you did or didn't do, but if you did them both..."
Perez
Go Fug Yourself
Create A South Park Character
Dinosaur Comics
Dr. McNinja
MY SPACEPLACEFACE BOOK
Myspace Page
GREEN COUNTY
This is a film I'm working on with my bud, Dan. If you're interested in being involved, please e-mail me.
NEWS:
Green County Official Facebook Group is online and awaiting the membership of actors, techies, and groupies!
COOL APPS
Get Firefox! (Please?) - hassle-free and app-friendly
Google Earth - high-res images of cities all over the world; monitor everything from world conflicts to seismic activity in real time!
Sage - an amazingly easy-to-use and reliable feed-reader for Firefox
Clipmarks - highlight, save, and document quotes from websites instantly
Facebook toolbar - Firefox toolbar for Facebook, for the addicts among us!
CONTACT
e.mail: just4playplay@gmail.com
phone: (XXX) 825-0352
FEED
XML H'OMGZ
STATS
CREDITS
This website and its written content are © M*Sak 2006-2007.
So, this weekend in Carbondale went pretty well, until Zhora and I left to come back here. Apparently, I was excited about it for nothing -- I thought that he was taking me to visit one of my friends out of the kindness of his heart and a desire to spend time with me. But, no. Apparently, Kiri reminds him of one of his ex-girlfriends who he "still has feelings for" -- and he just wanted to go down there to check her out.
Nice.
Of course, he has no idea that I have any romantic history with Kiri, so that just makes things even more awkward.
Honestly, I'm sad, but I'm not that disappointed or surprised, in retrospect. In relationships, I always tend to be the woman that people are with while they're waiting to find the woman (or man) they want. It's not that Zhora has any interest in Kiri herself per se (seeing as he's only met her twice), but the association is so powerful that he doesn't want to see her again -- it upsets him to look at her and remember his girlfriend from Latvia. How childish and stupid.
I haven't called him since he brought me home. I don't know if I'm waiting for him to call me... I don't know if he will. I don't even know if I want him to, really. I've noticed a slow decline into sadness and feelings of inadequacy since I met him. He's terrible for me and to me, pretty much. He "really likes" me, but I can tell that there's no potential for actual love. I don't know if he's capable of loving anyone right now -- he's so absorbed in his own problems and plans. He says he likes spending time with me because I'm smart, but obviously he still thinks I'm dumber than he is -- he likes trying to pull the wool over my eyes. He doesn't want me to know that he's ashamed to be seen with me. A little while ago, he told his friend, when asked, that he's no longer sleeping with me. That's a lie. Now I know why he makes me sleep by myself when he invites me over to spend the night with him and his roommate shows up.
I'm so exhausted with people in general in any romantic context. I just want to go over to Chad's, enjoy some recreation, and not have to worry about my weight or my skin or if I sound like a complete idiot to this strange foreign guy who honestly doesn't give two shits about me past the fact that I'm something to pass the time with when he's bored. Not even someone -- something. An activity apparently without human feelings and any amount of perception.
I'm left wondering why I've let this guy treat me like garbage for so long.
Nice.
Of course, he has no idea that I have any romantic history with Kiri, so that just makes things even more awkward.
Honestly, I'm sad, but I'm not that disappointed or surprised, in retrospect. In relationships, I always tend to be the woman that people are with while they're waiting to find the woman (or man) they want. It's not that Zhora has any interest in Kiri herself per se (seeing as he's only met her twice), but the association is so powerful that he doesn't want to see her again -- it upsets him to look at her and remember his girlfriend from Latvia. How childish and stupid.
I haven't called him since he brought me home. I don't know if I'm waiting for him to call me... I don't know if he will. I don't even know if I want him to, really. I've noticed a slow decline into sadness and feelings of inadequacy since I met him. He's terrible for me and to me, pretty much. He "really likes" me, but I can tell that there's no potential for actual love. I don't know if he's capable of loving anyone right now -- he's so absorbed in his own problems and plans. He says he likes spending time with me because I'm smart, but obviously he still thinks I'm dumber than he is -- he likes trying to pull the wool over my eyes. He doesn't want me to know that he's ashamed to be seen with me. A little while ago, he told his friend, when asked, that he's no longer sleeping with me. That's a lie. Now I know why he makes me sleep by myself when he invites me over to spend the night with him and his roommate shows up.
I'm so exhausted with people in general in any romantic context. I just want to go over to Chad's, enjoy some recreation, and not have to worry about my weight or my skin or if I sound like a complete idiot to this strange foreign guy who honestly doesn't give two shits about me past the fact that I'm something to pass the time with when he's bored. Not even someone -- something. An activity apparently without human feelings and any amount of perception.
I'm left wondering why I've let this guy treat me like garbage for so long.
I had a productive day and a relaxing night. Elation! I actually went to all of my classes, set up meetings with the professors I needed to, and I think I did well on my Human Sexuality test... Awesomeness! If I just step it up a notch, I'm sure I can salvage my semester at least a little bit!
Around dinner-time, I went downstairs to get something to eat while Teryn was on the phone. Chad called; he, Michael and Lunch Box ended up coming to pick me up. I got a belated birthday gift from Chad that makes me very happy! We just sat around, and I got to have a nice chat with him and Amanda. Chad is going to go to the court house tomorrow to take care of his dad's death certificate, so he'll gain access to what he's inheriting... With a small portion of the money, he's going to get the BMW logo tattooed on his right elbow, but instead of "BMW" it's going to say "DAD". He asked me if I would like to come with him. I felt weirdly honored -- it'll be good practice for me too, since I eventually want a sizeable tattoo on my back. I need to work up my courage. My family seal is rather intricate, and I'm actually torn between that design and a slightly different one -- technically, the Irish clan is a more recent version of the Scottish clan, from which all Armstrongs are descended, so they have a couple of variations on their seal. I'm a fan of the motto, at least, and I think it would be something pretty inspirational and beautiful to have on my body. We'll see if I have the resources/courage to get it in a few years, though.
Anyway, Little Dude picked me up from Chad's, and we went to Steak&Shake to have good talks and eat mediocre food. When he drove me home, he parked and asked me to sit in the car with him for a little while to listen to parts of a new mp3 cd he just burned for himself. I can tell from listening to one of the mixes he made on equipment in Latvia of a few of his favorite songs that he's a talented beat manager.
He asked me to check out prices for hotels in and around Carbondale -- I'm still leaning toward Motel 6 in Marion because of the price... I'm a little bit worried, just because Swedish has rehearsal all day Saturday before her show, so I'm going to have to figure out what Zhora and I can do with our day. I know what I want to do -- go to the university gallery and the museum... but I'm not sure if Zhora would be down for that. There are also apparently some pretty beautiful parks and public gardens down there. Enh, I'll talk to him about it.
Zhora's family is coming to visit in November -- his dad, his mom, and his grandma. His dad is looking for a place to rent over here -- apparently, he's going to be staying in town for six months! I'm so excited for Zhora! I know he's missed his family terribly during the eight months he's been here.
Hm. Sleepy.
Edit: I received postage and pictures from Tim today... I'd better get to work burning CDs!
Around dinner-time, I went downstairs to get something to eat while Teryn was on the phone. Chad called; he, Michael and Lunch Box ended up coming to pick me up. I got a belated birthday gift from Chad that makes me very happy! We just sat around, and I got to have a nice chat with him and Amanda. Chad is going to go to the court house tomorrow to take care of his dad's death certificate, so he'll gain access to what he's inheriting... With a small portion of the money, he's going to get the BMW logo tattooed on his right elbow, but instead of "BMW" it's going to say "DAD". He asked me if I would like to come with him. I felt weirdly honored -- it'll be good practice for me too, since I eventually want a sizeable tattoo on my back. I need to work up my courage. My family seal is rather intricate, and I'm actually torn between that design and a slightly different one -- technically, the Irish clan is a more recent version of the Scottish clan, from which all Armstrongs are descended, so they have a couple of variations on their seal. I'm a fan of the motto, at least, and I think it would be something pretty inspirational and beautiful to have on my body. We'll see if I have the resources/courage to get it in a few years, though.
Anyway, Little Dude picked me up from Chad's, and we went to Steak&Shake to have good talks and eat mediocre food. When he drove me home, he parked and asked me to sit in the car with him for a little while to listen to parts of a new mp3 cd he just burned for himself. I can tell from listening to one of the mixes he made on equipment in Latvia of a few of his favorite songs that he's a talented beat manager.
He asked me to check out prices for hotels in and around Carbondale -- I'm still leaning toward Motel 6 in Marion because of the price... I'm a little bit worried, just because Swedish has rehearsal all day Saturday before her show, so I'm going to have to figure out what Zhora and I can do with our day. I know what I want to do -- go to the university gallery and the museum... but I'm not sure if Zhora would be down for that. There are also apparently some pretty beautiful parks and public gardens down there. Enh, I'll talk to him about it.
Zhora's family is coming to visit in November -- his dad, his mom, and his grandma. His dad is looking for a place to rent over here -- apparently, he's going to be staying in town for six months! I'm so excited for Zhora! I know he's missed his family terribly during the eight months he's been here.
Hm. Sleepy.
Edit: I received postage and pictures from Tim today... I'd better get to work burning CDs!
Labels: Chad, family, Kiri, Lunch Box, Michael, Teryn, Tim, Zhora
Apparently, I have become so delinquent in my movie-rental skillz that the Movie Fan has taken to harrassing my roommate while I'm out. Good thing I didn't give them my cell number. Dang!
Last night was pretty laid-back. I saw Kiri for the first time in months. Teryn and I spent a bit of time with her here at the dorm and then Little Dude and I took her out to Denny's. Right now, her and Paige are hanging out. Apparently, I have to wait until tomorrow to get my piece of the Paige Pie. Such is life, I suppose, when one has out-of-town visitors with too much to do and too many people to see. I'll entertain myself tonight by showering, going to Chad's, and maybe calling Little Dude later, although he'll probably get off work after eleven since he didn't have to go in until four today.
I stayed over at Zhora's last night, surprisingly against my initial will -- I was pretty bone tired last night, but I didn't know if I could come back to the dorm because Erik just got back in town last night and... yeah. Other circumstances arose that also made it impossible for me to go to my dad's to crash as well. Zhora's roommate seemed to be rather uncomfortable with the prospect of me spending the night in the apartment at all, so I ended up sleeping alone in the guest room. I got a queen-sized mattress to myself, but still -- not the ending to the night I had hoped for. Fortunately, Igor had work early this morning, so a little trans-room sneaking was done after that. I ended up sneezing (one of my huge, crazy sneezes) at a completely inopportune time, too. Oh well.
My sneezes sound like this: "HRRGHHRAAAAAAAAAARGH!!" What's startling about them to some people is that there's no lead-up to my bigger sneezes. No "ha" in the "ha-choo". Basically, it's just a huge, wet yell. Igor got home from work earlier than expected because he was tired, so that was awkward...
Last night was pretty laid-back. I saw Kiri for the first time in months. Teryn and I spent a bit of time with her here at the dorm and then Little Dude and I took her out to Denny's. Right now, her and Paige are hanging out. Apparently, I have to wait until tomorrow to get my piece of the Paige Pie. Such is life, I suppose, when one has out-of-town visitors with too much to do and too many people to see. I'll entertain myself tonight by showering, going to Chad's, and maybe calling Little Dude later, although he'll probably get off work after eleven since he didn't have to go in until four today.
I stayed over at Zhora's last night, surprisingly against my initial will -- I was pretty bone tired last night, but I didn't know if I could come back to the dorm because Erik just got back in town last night and... yeah. Other circumstances arose that also made it impossible for me to go to my dad's to crash as well. Zhora's roommate seemed to be rather uncomfortable with the prospect of me spending the night in the apartment at all, so I ended up sleeping alone in the guest room. I got a queen-sized mattress to myself, but still -- not the ending to the night I had hoped for. Fortunately, Igor had work early this morning, so a little trans-room sneaking was done after that. I ended up sneezing (one of my huge, crazy sneezes) at a completely inopportune time, too. Oh well.
My sneezes sound like this: "HRRGHHRAAAAAAAAAARGH!!" What's startling about them to some people is that there's no lead-up to my bigger sneezes. No "ha" in the "ha-choo". Basically, it's just a huge, wet yell. Igor got home from work earlier than expected because he was tired, so that was awkward...
Labels: Erik, Igor, Kiri, Movie Fan, Paige, Teryn, Zhora
The past two nights have been a bit of the same-old, same-old routine. The night before last, I ended up at Zhora's watching him and Vtalik try to fix a belt tensioner pulley that had snapped off during Little Dude's delivery work (that poor BMW), and then we watched V for Vendetta and visited with Zhora's roommates Igor and Oxana. I've decided that they're both really cool. Oxana is incredibly bright and attentive, and Igor is very talkative and personable. He wanted to hear all about my time in Germany and discuss my classes with me, and tell me all about his unorthodox upbringing in Russia. Very cool.
Last night, Vtalik, Zhora, and I played pool at Ride the Nine for the first time in what feels like a long while, but has probably only been about two weeks. I actually held my own this time! In fact, I beat Zhora at nine-ball three times, even though he kept trying to smack my butt with his cue every time I took a shot, silly guy. He also seemed pretty interested in playing with my hair last night, which was a little strange, because I'm not used to someone's fingers sliding through my thick, glossy mane in public. Something about it just seems a little too... Hmm, I don't want to say erotic, because that's taking it too far, but intimate at least -- for a public setting, that is. I'm not going to pretend I didn't enjoy it, even though he messed up my ponytail something awful.
Tonight, I'm heading to a poetry slam at the Coffeehouse with Teryn and Alyssa. I got invited by my new friend Rob... This reminds me that I have to finish burning a mix CD for him and downloading some of the music he was telling me about so that we can talk about it at some point. I always love discussing music that my friends are passionate about; it makes it a lot easier for me to like a lot of different things, and I tend to pride myself on having a rather broad musical taste (although I would hardly call it indiscriminate).
Other than that, not much is going on. Kerry just stopped in for about an hour to say hello; it's the first time Teryn and I have seen her all semester! Hopefully, we will see more of her soon. She invited us to see a gallery opening at Wesleyan tonight, but unfortunately we already have the Coffeehouse plans... but I'm sure we'll get out and do something cool sometime soon!
I continue to get extremely weird, semi-vicious comments on Facebook from Kiri, but I think it's just because she's going through a hard time right now and needs someone she doesn't really care about to lash out on. That'll teach me to make snide comments about StalkerBook's ability to give me somewhat personal relationship information about people I haven't really interacted with in a good number of months!
CHARLIE MURPHY!!!
Last night, Vtalik, Zhora, and I played pool at Ride the Nine for the first time in what feels like a long while, but has probably only been about two weeks. I actually held my own this time! In fact, I beat Zhora at nine-ball three times, even though he kept trying to smack my butt with his cue every time I took a shot, silly guy. He also seemed pretty interested in playing with my hair last night, which was a little strange, because I'm not used to someone's fingers sliding through my thick, glossy mane in public. Something about it just seems a little too... Hmm, I don't want to say erotic, because that's taking it too far, but intimate at least -- for a public setting, that is. I'm not going to pretend I didn't enjoy it, even though he messed up my ponytail something awful.
Tonight, I'm heading to a poetry slam at the Coffeehouse with Teryn and Alyssa. I got invited by my new friend Rob... This reminds me that I have to finish burning a mix CD for him and downloading some of the music he was telling me about so that we can talk about it at some point. I always love discussing music that my friends are passionate about; it makes it a lot easier for me to like a lot of different things, and I tend to pride myself on having a rather broad musical taste (although I would hardly call it indiscriminate).
Other than that, not much is going on. Kerry just stopped in for about an hour to say hello; it's the first time Teryn and I have seen her all semester! Hopefully, we will see more of her soon. She invited us to see a gallery opening at Wesleyan tonight, but unfortunately we already have the Coffeehouse plans... but I'm sure we'll get out and do something cool sometime soon!
I continue to get extremely weird, semi-vicious comments on Facebook from Kiri, but I think it's just because she's going through a hard time right now and needs someone she doesn't really care about to lash out on. That'll teach me to make snide comments about StalkerBook's ability to give me somewhat personal relationship information about people I haven't really interacted with in a good number of months!
CHARLIE MURPHY!!!
Labels: Alyssa, Kerry, Kiri, Teryn, Vtalik, Zhora