To Applicable Deity:

About my ideal man...

He doesn't have to be bright, as long as he's good natured and open-minded; a big man -- tall and strong with a good layer of supple meat on him, one who won't refuse a third helping when I offer to cook (unless I burn the shit). He can have his own opinions on everything under the sun, but he must be at least mildly sympathetic toward the philosophies that are fundamental to my being. A decent-paying labor job for him would be ideal. I'd want him to be naturally altruistic -- the neighborhood handyman who will replace a pipe or five for the promise of a tall, cold one. I'd like someone who will tell me that my intellectual curiosity and inquisitive nature blow his mind. A thick, Northern Ontario accent would be lovely, but not entirely necessary. I'd want a man who will buy me a simple, second-hand sun-dress instead of a $50 gift certificate to a department store for my birthday; a man who wants a large family and will be willing to give absolute support to my career goals. I'm a realist, though -- I would be amenable to being a stay-at-home mom for three or four years. He'd have to have an instinctive taste for the voluptuous and adore my body.

It's not that I think I deserve all of this, and I understand that all of these specific traits may not be embodied by any single man on earth. I've figured out exactly what I want, and I just thought you should get a heads' up.

Thanks,
-M

P.S. He has to be willing to go muff diving on a regular basis!

P.P.S. Coming Soon: About my ideal woman...

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