Louis I (The Pious) -- youngest son of Charlemagne; succeeded after eldest son was sent to a monastery and two other older brothers died.

Louis II (The Stammerer) -- outlived his father by only two years. Weakling.

Louis III -- ruled jointly with his brother Carloman, kicked some Viking ass, and then kicked the bucket.

Louis IV (Transmarinus) -- hid in England for a little while as a child. Married his rival's sister to gain possession of Lorraine.

Louis V (The Sluggard) -- last Carolingian king; ruled for only one year before dying at age 20. He was probably poisoned by his mom.

Louis VI (The Fat) -- spent most of his reign trying to keep greedy nobles in check. Died of dysentery.

Louis VII (The Younger) -- construction of Notre Dame began during his reign. Wife referred to him as a monk. Burned the town of Vitry to the ground, killing thousands who had taken refuge in a church. Had one son and a buttload of daughters by three different women.

Louis VIII (The Lion) -- Married at the age of twelve. Had nine kids. Kept Jews from providing usury services. Died of dysentery.

Louis IX (Saint Louis) -- Went on two crusades, both of which were utter failures. Captured by the Egyptians, and then ransomed. Died of dysentery. His body later disappeared during the French Wars of Religion. Only French monarch to be made a saint.

Louis X (The Stubborn) -- accused his first wife of adultery and had her imprisoned, which eventually killed her. Fought with nobles a lot. Died after a game of lawn tennis, probably from dehydration.

Louis XI (The Prudent or The Spider King) -- Had a lot of enemies, many of whom were named Charles (including his own father). Married an eight-year-old after his first wife died. Nobody really liked him that much.

Louis XII (Father of the People) -- married a disabled nine-year-old at the age of fourteen, but had the marriage annulled as soon as he was crowned, so he could marry his predecessor's widow. Reduced taxes, was popular. Then he died.

Louis XIII (The Just) -- was encouraged to masturbate in public when he was young. Had a meddlesome Mommy. Married at fourteen, but was most likely gay.

Louis XIV (The Sun King) -- ruled for 72 years. Ruled through three major wars and two minor conflicts. Had at least three mistresses during his first marriage. Had a morganatic second marriage. Prohibited every religious practice except for Roman Catholicism. Died of gangrene.

Louis XV (The Beloved) -- Survived a smallpox outbreak that killed his entire family. Was at one point engaged to a three-year-old first cousin from Spain, but then married a Polish princess. Was openly unfaithful to his wife. Was a big spender. Survived an assassination attempt later described by Voltaire as a “pinprick”. Died of small-pox, and had a funeral that was attended by only one courtier.

Louis XVI (The Last) -- Afflicted with Phimosis. Tried by the National Convention, found guilty of treason, and executed.

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